Life without my four-legged shadows ~ by Joanne Jaytanie

It’s impossible to believe my sweet Maya left this world a year ago today. How can it feel like both just a moment ago and a lifetime when I last held her? I still can’t put away the condolence cards. The nail grinder is on the back porch exactly where I left it, the last time I did her nails. Her bed next to my desk and another next to our bed are still ready to be slept on. As long as these things remain in place, I still have a part of her.  

So often I hear her high-pitched whine when I’m upstairs or walking up to the house. I open the front door still expecting to see Maya and Tristan, vying for position, stubs snapping back and forth, their noses pushing into my hands. 

I’ve had at least one and as many as five, four-legged shadows for my entire adult life until this last year. I was sure Maya would be my last. I knew it would be different, not having a Doberman in my life, but I fooled myself into believing it would be okay. It’s the little things that still make me tear up…

Walking into the house and not having my welcoming party.

Always by my side – even in the bathroom.

Putting them to bed and covering them up.

Drooling and staring while I prepare meals.

The constant shadow that I’d learned to maneuver around years ago.

Stepping over dogs whenever I get up from watching tv.

The Doberman grin.

Serving as the attendant to the ever-revolving door.

Waking up each morning greeted by a dog thrilled to see me.

Playing in the snow.

Always having someone to talk to who just wanted to hear my voice.

My constant companion laying right next to me while I’m at my desk.

The ever-vigilant sentry. 

The seconds before I drift off at night thinking about how much I miss them. 

Yes, dogs cost money to feed, care for, splurge on, take on vacation. They take time out of your day. They may even be what you schedule your day around. You arrange your house and design your yards to accommodate them. They will get sick, and they will break your heart. You must weigh the heartbreaking cost of losing them to the absolute joy of having the unconditional love each and every day they are with you - which we all know is never enough time.

Three hundred and sixty-five days have gone by since I lost my Maya. I miss you to the stars and back, my sweet girl. I keep waiting for the terrible ache in my heart to subside. 

For more on my life with dogs visit my personal page