Finding my Way Through Fear ~ Kathy Coatney

photo: Pexels.com free photos

I recently listened to a podcast on IQ testing, and I’ve never believed in them because I think we are capable of so much more than the results of a simple test. I’ve also come to believe the biggest stumbling block to learning something new is fear. There are three main instances I can point to where fear has held me back.

The first fear I tackled came in my early thirties when I decided to become a writer. I hadn't considered a career as an author before that point, but after taking a class on freelance writing I was hooked. From there I started writing romance novels and freelance articles. I soon discovered that was the easy part—submitting my work, however, left me in a cold sweat.

But I found this fear to be more insidious than just preventing me from sending it out to editors. It also stopped me from starting a project. To this day, every time I start a new book I’m terrified I can’t do it, that the last one was a fluke, that it’s not good enough, and will never be good enough. This fear still strikes me even after publishing five romances, seven children’s books, and over a thousand articles in the last twenty-five years.

Speaking with other authors, I’ve discovered this is a universal fear, so when I find myself not writing and looking for any excuse not to write (cleaning toilets is my go to avoidance) I discuss it with a fellow author, and just acknowledging the fear, gets me on the road to production.

My second fear was exercising. I’ve always viewed myself as

awkward and klutzy, but I didn’t like that image, so I signed up for an aerobics class. From there, I began mountain biking, cross country skiing, hiking, and three years ago I started running.

I’ve always been a slow, flat-footed runner, but I decided to give it

photo: Pexels.com RUN4FFWPU

a try. Nine months later, I did a five run, plus a half mile sprint. That year I also did the Pat Tillman 4.2 mile run. I completed both runs without stopping, much to my satisfaction.

Was I fast? Absolutely not. I’d like to improve my speed, but it would take more time and effort than I want to invest. Not because I’m afraid, but because there are other things I want to do like Zumba. This was very intimidating for me as I have a hard time coordinating my arms and legs. I still struggle with it, but I’m not giving up.

The third, and the most terrifying fear I ever faced was singing. All my life I’ve wanted to learn to sing, but I was terrified of singing in front of anyone. Twenty years ago I heard an interview with a music teacher who said anyone could learn to sing and that stuck with me. On a whim, I did an online search and came across a local music school, and I inquired about lessons.

A few days later the secretary of the school called me, and after I explained what I wanted, she made it her mission in life to find the perfect teacher for me. Days later, I was set to start my first lesson.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. The room had a piano, chair, chalkboard and dozens of chairs stacked against the wall. What I remember most is the door that faced the main desk had a

photo: Pexels.com Wendy Wei

small window in it where I could see students, parents, and teachers walking past, and they could all hear me as I struggled to screech out the scale on the piano. By the end of that 30 minute class, I was drenched in sweat and certain I would never put myself through anything so awful again.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful, caring instructor who has patiently worked with and encouraged me for the last two years. I’ve seen progress that at times was so painfully slow I wanted to scream, and other times, came in huge leaps and bounds that encouraged and pushed me forward. I am still very self-conscious about singing in front of others, but with each improvement my confidence builds, and fear has less control over me.

Will I ever be a professional singer? Not likely, again because it would take a tremendous commitment that I’m not willing to make.

One of my greatest challenges is that I’m a perfectionist, and I don’t want to do anything unless I can do it perfectly. That has held me back more frequently than my fear, but I’m slowly overcoming that, too. 

What’s next? I’m not sure, but I’m a firm believer in this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. “Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”

Facing my fears has made them less terrifying, and each one I’ve tackled has enriched my life beyond measure. What’s holding you back from your dreams?

Before I sign off, just a little bit about my books. I write deeply

emotional, small town, romances. I have a three book series, Falling For You…Again, Falling in Love With You, Falling in Love for the First Time. She’s Out of His League is currently a stand alone, but there are two more books in the series that will be released shortly. Leave Me Breathless is a romantic mystery, and I will have more to follow in that series, too. The Crooked Halo Chronicles is a short story series I will be developing into full length novels. These books have love, romance, and guardian angels. You can get Angels R Us for free just by subscribing to my newsletter.

Thank you for inviting me to blog on Originality by Design. It was lovely spending time here. I look forward to meeting up with you on social media.  

Kathy Coatney has spent long hours behind the lens of a camera,

Kathy Coatney

wading through cow manure, rice paddies and orchards over her twenty-year career as a photojournalist specializing in agriculture. 

     She loves, and writes, deeply emotional, small-town contemporary romance. Ironically, her books carry an agriculture thread in them, some more than others. She also has a series of nonfiction children’s books, From the Farm to the Table and Dad’s Girls.

NOTE: Kathy wrote under the pen name of Kate Curran, but all books are now published with Kathy Coatney.

You can connect with Kathy by clicking on the links below...

FACEBOOK

TWITTER

WEBSITE

The Chase -- A short story written to the prompts: Broken, Desert, Voices ~ by Linda Boulager

Once upon a time, there was a site called Clever Fiction Short Story Prompts that provided weekly writing prompts. Quite often, they were 3-words that weren’t always easy to work together but ended up pushing us as writers to create great stories. Many of the stories I wrote to those prompts were incorporated into longer short stories, novellas, and full-length novels. The Chase was written to the prompt: Broken, Desert, Voices. Give it a try and enjoy!

The Chase by Linda Boulanger

Her chest heaved with every breath, straining against the bodice of the silk gown. Silk - supposedly spun by the gods, meant to entice as it fell in revealing layers over the satiny skin of young ladies waiting for the men for whom they were chosen. To Elenya it only impeded her escape through the thick brush. She pushed the hood of the cloak-like dress from her head, releasing a magnificent mass of red tresses that matted against the trickle of sweat running down her back, now bare from the unusual cut of the dress.

What a waste. She thought of her trip to the courts as well as the expensive fabric and the excitement that had surrounded picking it out, fashioning it into a body-covering masterpiece that represented her future, her dreams. Her family should have saved their reserves, her destiny decided many years ago by higher authorities anyway. The only thing she’d needed to entice her warrior was her scent. Or was it his scent? She wasn’t sure, knowing only that she’d been marked, ceremonially injected with his blood as a child to belong to him when her season came – though neither of them would know the other until the appointed time.

Even aware that she’d been marked and her future assured, Elenya was no different from the other girls who dreamed of a lifetime dance with one of the elite warriors of the court. It meant she and her family would return to the luxury of the circle of the chosen once she came of age.

Only the moment Elenya realized the Masters had matched her with Tahruk, she knew that would not be the case. Tahruk! Why? Their families had been enemies for generations. There had to be some mistake. She knew she had to find a way, to find someone who could make it right. Her only chance was to get to the house of the Masters.

Ignoring the aching in her legs and lungs, she refused to pay heed to the burning of the cuts and scratches inflicted on her limbs by the cruel sticks and whipping grasses. She would not cry over the sounds of her beautiful black dress ripping as she ran. She glanced down at what now looked like shredded rags. Careful! Taking her eyes off the terrain could have made her lose her footing and then it would all be over. She could hear him not far behind. Only her slight size lent itself to her ability to outmaneuver him through the dense brush.

Elenya longed for the smooth desert sands of home. Life had seemed so promising then as she’d played and worked beside her sisters, making sure they stayed within earshot of the voices of the elders whose sole purpose was to protect the future of their people: her.

There it was! She could see the house of the Masters. Elated that her uncanny sense of direction had led her right to it after seeing it only once, she was concerned about the clearing that lay before her. Her pursuer would be unhindered.

A man opened the house door causing hope to surge, hurling Elenya forward. He had to be one of the Masters.

“My Lord! My Lord!” she screamed, garnering the attention of men she hadn’t realized were there. Panic rose as they converged on her, though she dodged them, stopping only when she had thrown herself at the feet of Dahru, the head Master. Only when her arms wrapped around his legs did she dare glance back at the warrior who crossed the clearing at a more casual pace. Anger burned behind his eyes, their dark depths glowing within his sun-bronzed face. Even as she shivered, she was unable to break away from his gaze. She felt the pull of the marking as she watched him run a hand through his night-black hair. She fought against it.

“Tahruk? What is the meaning of this?” asked the voice above Elenya’s head.

“I wish to know that as well, Lord Dahru.” As the warrior spoke, his chin tilted upward and he sniffed the air.

Dahru looked at his brethren before addressing the other man. “She … the woman is yours then?”

Tahruk nodded. He glared down at the beauty who attempted to scoot around the strong legs of her refuge, seeing her clearly for the first time. His anger spiked as he took in the honeyed cinnamon hair, sun-kissed ivory skin, and soft pink lips, full and enticing. He watched as Dahru’s hands locked on her arms and lifted her to stand before him instead. She tried to look over her shoulder. Again, the unmistakable pull warred against her fear.

“Look at me.” The firm voice denoted care. He smiled as he wiped some of the grime from her face. “Why would you do this?” When she didn’t answer, he added, “What is your name, maiden?”

Her voice trembled as did her body. Gone was the brave woman who had fled her warrior. “I am Elenya Avenille of the Aleone Drille,” she answered quietly, listening for certain response from behind.

Having recognized her by her appearance as the Aleone woman, hearing her speak it pushed the warrior beyond reason. “Aleone!” he roared. Elenya pressed herself against Dahru. His strong arms encircled her small frame.

Dahru silenced the younger man with a raised hand, though the outburst was understandable. The disdain felt by the two Drilles, one for the other, had been passed down from generation to generation.

“There must be a mistake…”

“No.” Dahru stopped Elenya’s verbalization of the thought that echoed through many heads. “The Masters do not make mistakes. You must go with this man and fulfill the obligations imposed by the marking.”

“I… I am afraid…” Elenya whispered before looking over her shoulder at the stiff form of the warrior for whom she was chosen. “My lord, please. You see how he looks at me.”

“He will not harm you, child. He is honor bound, like you.” Dahru made certain the young warrior heard as well.

After a moment, Elenya nodded. She looked up at the stars, sucking in and then slowly exhaled breath before turning toward Tahruk. Head bowed, she followed, not bothering to fight the tears. Her dreams were shattered, the broken pieces washing away with each teardrop that fell onto the hand that held hers. Honor would have her pay for the sins of her ancestors.

She had been chosen to dance for a lifetime in the arms of her enemy.

At the request of readers, The Chase was expanded into a full-length novel, Dance with the Enemy.

 

******

The Chase A Short Story ©Linda Boulanger

 All rights reserved

This story or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means without prior written permission of the author or publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are fictitious or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, to factual events or to businesses is coincidental and unintentional. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this work.

A Healthy Approach to Writer's Block by Marj Ivancic

The empty page awaits, a vast and terrifying blank landscape. And the longer it remains without script, the more intimidating it becomes. Sometimes, it’s writer’s block preventing us from tattooing that white wall. Other times, it’s that scene. You know the one. The chapter you’ve been dreading since the moment you realized your beloved story couldn’t live without it. 

Dammed up by apathy, indecision, or revulsion—it doesn’t matter—the words aren’t making an appearance anytime soon.


What to do?
I read a blog post in which the author plucked advice for such a conundrum from fifteen published writers. After getting over my initial dismay that three of them opened their quotes with some variation of the dreaded “try and…” grammatical error, I did glean some valuable guidance: write something else; find where the story drifted off course; get over the fact that the first draft will suck. But I was disappointed that not one of them touched on—dare I say it—exercise.

Wait! Don’t run away yet! Hear me out.

Pick up any health-related magazine or journal—heck, Google it—and you’ll find an article touting how physical activity helps prevent Alzheimer's, manages diabetes, and lowers risk of heart disease. But it’s the benefits to the brain that makes putting the body in motion so important to writers.

We’ve all joked about the grey mush between our ears, but did you know there’s white matter in there too? And it’s responsible for getting information from one grey iceberg floating in the cerebrum to another. According to the PsychologyToday.com article “Why Is Physical Activity So Good for Your Brain?,” physical activity strengthens those communications highways, resulting in faster cognitive processing. Considering language and communication are two of the primary functions managed by the cerebrum, white matter plays a major role in powering a part of the brain writers rely on to get their story from thought to page.

Want a little proof?
The Stanford News website published an article about a 2014 study that showed walking improves both creative thinking and inspiration.   At its core, the experiment compared walking to sitting, but its scope spanned a variety of those states: walking outside, walking on a treadmill, walking on a treadmill facing a blank wall (Ugh!), being pushed in a wheel chair outside, sitting outside, sitting inside, to name a few. 

While in these conditions, the 176 participants completed four creativity tests. One focused on their ability to construct “complex analogies” in response to a simple prompt. The more deeply associated to the root of the prompt the response was, the better. The other three tests centered around the ability to devise creative uses for common objects, also known as “divergent thinking.”  The results of all these tests showed that the walking segment scored highest.

Did you hear that? I’ll say it again—the movers out thought the sitters. 

When you’re standing (or sitting, as it were) in the writer’s block desert, sweating and thirsty, wouldn’t you love to get a little inspiration, to be able to devise a cunning plot twist, or craft a few lines of thought-provoking prose? 

A wee bit of moving around doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?
The benefits of exercise don’t stop there.
Physical activity aids not only our minds but our souls as well. Take a complaint of depression or anxiety to any doctor and one of their first questions will be about your exercise regimen. The chemicals produced by a good sweat are as potent as fairy dust for fending off those I’m-a-terrible-writer blues. 

The Mayo Clinic listed the following benefits of regular exercise: 
• Gain confidence
• Take your mind off worries 
• Get more social interaction
• Cope in a healthy way

I don’t think anyone is saying exercise will turn you into a grinning idiot who never has a bad day. But if you put a little effort into getting out of your chair, you’ll be better equipped to stand up to those whispers of negativity. You may even find yourself able to recognize the toxic in your life, both people and situations, and find the strength to cut free of them.

So, the next time you’re feeling bullied by that empty page, let your body be your muse—and walk away. Literally.
 ________________________

  1. Christopher Bergland, “Why Is Physical Activity So Good for Your Brain?,” The Athlete’s Way.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201409/why-is-physical-activity-so-good-your-brain  

  2. May Wong, “Stanford study finds walking improves creativity,” Stanford News, Stanford University Communications, http://news.stanford.edu/2014/04/24/walking-vs-sitting-042414/ (access 17 August 2016).

  3. Mayo Clinic Staff, “Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms,” Mayo Clinic, http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495 (access 17August2016).

Photos courtesy of free downloads at Pexels.com and the MS.org sites.