What Bleach Taught Me About People ~ by Author Marj Ivancic

Did you know that bleach loses its potency over time? I didn’t. I learned by happenstance when my husband, thinking it was of the color-safe variety, added some to a laundry load of semi-whites. Luckily, the bottle had been in the cupboard for months and was no more dangerous to our stripes and flower patterns than water. 

But the experience was oddly enlightening.

As I reflected on some past relationships, I realized, sometimes, the people in our lives can be a bit like bleach. Harsh, draining, detrimental to the vibrancy of our souls. I used to subscribe to the “cut the toxic out of your life” philosophy. I still do, in some instances. But that old bleach helped me see that not all toxins stay so.

Sometimes, those people are fundamentally decent folks. It’s just their opinions or interests that clash with my own. Or maybe things they say are hurtful or leave me feeling down. Or maybe, for no real fault of their own, they just bring out the worst in me.

Sometimes, that incompatibility is due to where they are in life. Or where I am in life. Timing, as they say, is important to any success. And we humans are the product of not only our past but also our now, so things like new influences or life events can shift that timing out of whack. Or heck, even waking up one morning and realizing you haven’t met any of those childhood goals and you need to get focused and do it. Sometimes, one person is struggling with something they haven’t shared or don’t even realize yet themselves and it’s manifesting itself in their actions and words.

Perhaps in those cases, the relationship just needs a little shelf time to allow the two ingredients—them AND me—to change, to grow and maybe mellow. Or for the circumstances in which we exist to change.

Of course, not all relationships are meant to be. Some don’t deserve a stay of execution in the first place. For those that do, some don’t survive their time up in the cupboard. They dry up, leaving the bottle empty. Others may come down as noxious as ever and still need to be flushed. But sometimes, they emerge different and better. Healthier.

Media: How Do You Take Yours? ~ by Cynthia Land

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Hong Kong Kung Fu has fascinated me ever since my father/family was stationed in Manila in the early 1980’s. I remember being both mesmerized and amused by a female actress handily beating on men in a roadside cafe scrap.  Fast forward a few years later when a co-worker introduced me to the work of Jackie Chan. This combination of choreographed martial arts and humor just hit my brain in a new and delicious way. Of course the movies weren’t all humor but the Kung Fu was what epically drew me back like a tide on a beach.  I made forays into Hong Kong directors such as John Woo and found I didn’t have the same love for his movies because the level of violence was so high I couldn’t manage it. The funny Kung Fu of Jackie Chan was obviously slap stick and I could compartmentalize it into humor but the outright anger and revenge of Woo and his contemporaries was hard to take. 

As a yogi, I'm hardwired against violence for the sake of violence.  However, I don't seem to be against a good wack up the side of the head in order to get someone's attention.  Stephen Chow's Kung Fu Hustle (2004) is a master class in a good wack for comedic effect. Here's what I'm talking about. Kung Fu Hustle scene I will state that I was not a fan of the Ax Men massacre scene.  I know he had to go over the top, but that did reach my limit.  One of Chow's other movies, CJ7 (2008) is a howl.  Check it out.  Here

Yoga teaches cultivation of inner stillness.  Martial arts also has a long tradition of teaching inner stillness.  Many Kung Fu movies show the young acolyte made to head to some far away mountain cave to meditate for some impossible amount of time.  I'm seriously over exaggerating here but, after said impossible amount of time they perform as in this scene cut from a Jackie Chan/Jet Li film from 2008 called The Forbidden Kingdom. Here's the deleted scene. Overall a

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pretty crap film but I enjoyed the fight scenes.  Which brings me to another amazing Chinese director, Yimou Zhang, who made Hero which came out in 2002. It has what is quite possibly the best martial arts sequence ever made, between Jet Li and Tony Leung.  I know you might not think of there being silence in a fight but I think there is a lot of meditative space in this sequence.  Decide for yourself.  

Now if we take these physical forms and move them into the mind we can see how we wrangle with ourselves in messy ways.  We wack ourselves with imaginary shoes, slam ourselves against imaginary walls and bang our heads into imaginary tables, probably to no effect.  And there's no laugh track.  Yoga invites us to study and practice the Eight Limbs and delve into ideas such as contentment and self study so that we feel less inclined to engage in acts of violence against ourselves and others.  Just like any of the martial arts, these take daily, sometimes hourly practice and are never truly mastered.  Something is always left to learn.  

I have often heard the phrase, "garbage in garbage out."  This comes to mind when I get into phases of watching TV shows I probably shouldn't.  I am unapologetically a  child of the 70's/80's.  I grew up on Laugh In, Bonanza, Gun Smoke & The Rockford Files.  So when a remake of Hawaii 5-0 came out in 2010, you know I was going to watch it.  Alex

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O'Laughlin isn't hard on the eyes either.  However when the producers kept upping the violence ante, I finally stopped watching.  I just couldn't reconcile their use of torture scenes as entertainment.  They just didn't seem in any way necessary to the progression of their plot lines.  This also became true for shows such as The Blacklist (and I love James Spader) and Breaking Bad.  

Now I pick my TV shows a little more carefully.  Some would say; "Why watch TV at all? It's all trash."  I love stories.  I love media.  I read. I watch movies. I watch TV.  I just have to take care in the use of media.  If garbage is going in, then I can't be surprised if my mind is troubled.  I watch the barest amount of news, just to make sure I haven't missed something truly critical and then I move on to something more pertinent to my immediate life or something more entertaining.  

You may be surprised to read that I've been watching Killing

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Eve.  It's the story of two women, one an MI-5 agent and the other an assassin who have become entangled with one another.  I'm deeply intrigued by the psychology of the two women.  Each is obsessed with the other in ways that defy understanding.  The violence, while intense, is almost an afterthought.  I also enjoy watching books made into TV shows.  I'm watching The Discovery of Witches and Good Omens.  Both have Sci-Fi and historical fiction elements, ticking two of my interest boxes.  My choices must leave me feeling something but, what I'm feeling should not be dread. 

You Deserve a Massage! ~ by Cynthia Land, LMT

In the 1990's, my little home-town of Bremerton, WA didn't have many massage spas like it does today. In fact, I didn't know too many people who got massages. My parents certainly didn't get them. I came from a family were there wasn't much hugging or snuggling so comforting touch was kind of an anomaly. Somehow I came across friends who were enlightened about such things and they convinced me that my nagging upper back pain could be alleviated by simply getting a therapeutic massage.  

I laugh at myself today because the person who showed up for that 30-minute appointment in the early '90s was a scared, doe-eyed innocent. The only experience I'd had with anything resembling massage was the play kids did in elementary school where we drew designs on each other's backs when we should have been paying attention to the teacher. This massage was held after-hours at a Curves-like establishment in a room carved out of the center of the space. I was too scared to take off all my clothes so I left my bra and panties on. The very capable massage therapist did a terrific job working around my shyness and supplied great relief to my back pain. I was hooked!  

I stayed with that therapist, following her from venue to venue, for years. When you find someone who understands your body and can alleviate your pain, you stick with them! I can't believe I waited as long as I did to seek massage. I have since had dozens of treatments from dozens of therapists and have honed in on what type of massage works for me. A decade after that first massage I became a massage therapist myself and now help others find relief from chronic and acute pain. However, sometimes we can't get in to our therapist and we need relief now. Aspirin and muscle relaxers are fine as far as it goes, but here are a few ways you can take care of those aching muscles yourself.

Topicals:

Acute issues - Tiger Balm and Arnica oil

This works best if you use it directly after whatever strenuous activity you've been doing. I found it worked wonders after a day of downhill skiing, but it could work after a day in the garden or after a long day helping a friend move. I'd come home from skiing, pop in the shower and directly after toweling off, set the towel on the floor with the container of Tiger Balm and arnica oil and mix a little of both in my hands and then massage my legs.  This isn't just a lay the concoction on my skin procedure, I really get into the tissue and rub the muscles. Probably about three minutes per leg. The Tiger Balm has menthol and camphor in it which opens the pores and increases circulation, helping to move along any lactic acid build up in the muscles. The arnica reduces any inflammation or bruising. A winning combination.

Chronic issues - CBD creams or oils

I use this on arthritic joints and sore muscles. I've had good results with making my own cannabis creams by combining organic coconut oil with CBD oils. In states that allow the purchase of such oils, you can ask the bud tenders about percent of CBD oil to percent of coconut oil. Some places even sell the pre-made creams or topicals. The creams are super easy to make and you can add essential oils to make them smell good and add more therapeutic benefits. If you live in a state where marijuana is not yet legal, I understand aspercreme is a good substitute.

Self-assisted massage:

Foam roller

These are an excellent tool for getting at places you can't get at yourself. Many physical therapists are known to torture their patients with them. One can buy them in different densities depending on your preference so they're not quite so tortuous. Here's a series of videos from the Mayo Clinic on how to use one.  https://youtu.be/QUszqQf51zY  I use my foam roller almost daily to help relieve tension in my upper back. The roller will almost always gloriously help adjust my spine. Not as often, but just as good, I will use the roller on my calves, thighs, and glutes which can be excellent for working out areas that are prone to spasms.

Tennis ball/Lacrosse ball

As the foam roller is broad the tennis ball is specific. I use it for knots in the upper back, hips, and calves. Just be sure to avoid contact with bony structures such as shoulder blades or you may have bruising. You can lay down on them or use them as you stand against a wall. I know people who have them in their cars and sit on them while driving. I have a fallen arch on my left foot and will use a Lacrosse ball on the bottom of my foot while standing to roll out any aches and stiffness. It does wonders!

As a massage therapist, I recommend getting a massage once a month but if you can't do that or you need something in between treatments, use the above to get your through to the next session. You've only got one body. Take good care of it!

Saucha / Cleanliness ~ by Cynthia Land, LMT, RYT

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How many of you are going through your closets deciding what shirts bring you joy?  The Marie Kondo plan of simplifying is not a new one.  The yogic concept of saucha or cleanliness has been around for millennia and feeds into this idea of austerity.  If you understand the 8 limbs of yoga, much of it is about eliminating suffering. Within the first limb of yoga is the concept of saucha.  Here we find removing clutter also helps clear the mind which in turn helps reduce suffering. 

I need only glance at the mess on my desk to know that it brings me anxiety/suffering.  Where to start is always the issue. I’m tempted to throw everything in a burn barrel and start over. No, that’s not the answer but the solution often seems overwhelming. This has happened to many of us. We have become overwhelmed. We’ve accumulated so many things, whether they be papers, books, cars, shoes or problems that we don’t know where to start. Thank goodness for others who have come up with processes that work. 

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If you’ve ever watched any of the cooking shows, you’ll notice that chefs clean as they go, wiping spills and washing knives right after use. Much of life SHOULD go this way and yet the socks somehow can’t quite hit the hamper. Note that putting the socks IN the hamper takes a millisecond and creates a cleaner space in your room. Are you willing to give two shits for some happiness? Translate this into the dining room after a meal when instead of leaving dishes on the table you instantly put them in the dishwasher, or when you come into your home you leave your shoes by the door and put your keys in a pretty dish where you can easily and quickly locate them the next morning.  

Another process I’ve found useful is the 15 minute rule. “I’ll only do this for 15 minutes.” (Pinterest task list) Completely cleaning off my desk or cleaning my house is instantly overwhelming. But if I can tell myself, I'll just clean for 15 minutes then the task seems manageable. I use this method with a lot of things in my life. Even writing. I like it because I can see an endpoint and I don't feel as though it has to be perfect, I just have to get started. Getting started several days in a row, gets things done. Also, I don't limit myself to 15 minutes. If I want to longer, then I give myself permission to do as much as I like.  

One of the other yogic practices related to saucha is kriya or cleansing techniques. There are a litany of these and I won't go into all of them here. You can see and try a few by referring back to my blog from January. Suffice to say the yogis found living in the corporeal world a little trying. They're were constantly finding things about the body to clean. They cleaned their diet by often being vegan or fasting.  They did intense water cleanses of the digestive, respiratory and excretory systems. Some of these were done around the change of the seasons. All of this was done in an effort to remove any impurities that might hamper their ability to reach enlightenment. Today we learn from these techniques but we don't have to adhere to them.  

When it comes to removing clutter, we might also want to turn the spotlight on our relationships.  How are the people in our lives supporting us?  Do they bring us joy or suffering?  If they are bringing suffering, are we willing distance ourselves from them?  Some feel compelled to keep certain people in their lives because they are family or we've known them since childhood.  But if these people are toxic and preventing from us growing and succeeding it might be time to let them go.  I stopped talking with my dad for about a year when his PTSD got to a point where I could barely have a conversation with him without it turning into a full blown argument.  My parent's home was no longer safe for me.  We both went into counseling in separate ways but were eventually able to come back together and are now closer than ever.  

This spring I tell myself I will take everything out of my clothing closet and keep only what brings me joy, 15 minutes at a time. 

Keeping the Balance in Multiple Ways ~ by Author Lori Foster

     I’m a writer of happy endings. Romance, love, caring, family... they all factor in, along with action and danger, and some sexy good times. I write a lot of hours... compulsively... because I get wrapped up in a story, but also to meet contract deadlines.

Balance #1. 

     It’s important to remember that this is a business. Yes, it’s a business crafted around creativity, but a lot of planning by other people goes into traditional publishing. Finding a title that hasn’t been used a gazillion times, hiring models and then completing a cover shoot, writing up back cover copy, scheduling, marketing, promotion and sales – it’s involved, covering several departments, and if an author is late, it can cause a domino effect.
     I understand that sometimes you don’t feel like writing. If you have a contract, write anyway. Put something on paper, even if it’s not gold, and then fix it later. Sometimes the act of writing will get the pipes unclogged, and the imagination will flow.
     I like to keep my Muse talking by doing a lot of reading across multiple genres. Books I love inspire me to be a better writer, but then so do books that I dislike. **grin** I truly believe the journey to find your voice is never ending. We age, mature, evolve, and our voice does the same. So, keep feeding it, keep adapting, and keep enjoying the process.

Balance #2. 

     To me, it’s incredibly important to love what I do. I mean, this is a gift, right? Not the talent aspect (though that is as well) but to write books for a living in my “comfortable clothes” in the privacy of my own home, interacting with readers more online than in person, making up my own schedule, overall being my own boss. Perfection. Best job EVER.
     Only it wouldn’t be if I didn’t already love the stories I tell. If I had to force myself through the writing process with characters or plots that didn’t engage me, well, it could be the opposite of perfection.
     It could be a bitterly flawed and highly resented career.
     If an author chases a popular idea or trend instead of following her heart, writing can quickly become an unpleasant chore. I like to believe that if I love the story and characters, readers will, too. So far, so good!
     Luckily, even on my worst day, I enjoy what I do and I consider myself very fortunate to be successful at it.

Balance #3. 

     Family comes first for me. Always. It might not be that way for everyone, but for me it works. Now, I don’t mean that family can willy-nilly interrupt for no important reason at all. Nope, I shut that down real fast. But if someone truly needs something, if there’s a problem, I’ll make time because priorities are important.

      Sometimes you have to juggle those priorities, sometimes you drop one by mistake (we are all so wonderfully flawed, right?) but you try. You keep your eye on what matters most – the health, well-being, respect, and understanding for your loved ones. 

Balance #4. 

     Giving back. I feel so blessed to have this career – thank you readers, a million times over. You’ve put me in a unique position to be able to help more, in different ways. While I like and donate to a lot of organizations, I have pet projects that I really focus on, like the Animal Adoption Foundation, a no-kill animal shelter. Each year I write one novella where the advance and all royalties go directly to the shelter for the life of the book.  www.AAFPets.org
     I also host an annual event – the Reader & Author Get Together – where bestselling authors and newer authors can mix and mingle with 500 attendees. Readers get a lot of personal time with the

authors, and vice versa. We have sponsored parties and meals and soooo much swag, all built around two massive book signings. Our raffles are amazing and we donate all the proceeds to wonderful local organizations. For 2019 (our 15th event!) it’ll be CancerFreeKIDS, who help fund promising research in the hopes of eradicating cancer in children. 

     Interested?  www.CancerFreeKIDS.org
     Interested in the event?  www.ReaderAuthorGetTogether.com

Balance #5. 

     Never take it for granted. Dear readers, I promise I will always work hard at writing the very best books I can. I know you’re smart and discriminating. I know you have choices galore. That you pick up and read one of my books is a very magical thing for me. I’ll always be grateful. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: writing wouldn’t be nearly as much fun, and certainly not as successful, if I didn’t have so many incredible readers. 

     Big hugs to each of you!

Lori Foster is a New York Times, USA Today, and Publishers Weekly bestselling author of more than 100 titles. She’s known for her fun, very sexy contemporary romance novels revolving around alpha males who meet (and fall in love with) strong, independent women.  

Lori’s been a recipient of the prestigious RT Book Reviews Career Achievement Award for Series Romantic Fantasy, and for Contemporary Romance. Even more fun, Lori’s been a clue in the New York Times crossword puzzle, a clue in the USA TodayQuick-cross puzzle, and the sensual and sexy Too Much Temptation was Amazon’s 2002 top-selling title in Romance.  Be watching for upcoming releases.  SLOW RIDE is out March 12, 2019. BOONE (the newest benefit book) is out June 1st, 2019.  SISTERS OF SUMMER'S END is out June 11, 2019.  You can find out more about Lori by clicking the links below.

FACEBOOK

TWITTER

GOODREADS

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WEBSITE

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Bramhacharya: Right use of energy ~ by Cynthia Land, LMP, RYT

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I gave myself a blog assignment months ago in the hopes that I could impart a valuable aspect of the 8 limbs of yoga.  What I found was perhaps one of my biggest hurdles.  I wanted to share something about Bramhacharya, one of the restraints in the first limb.  However, I discovered that because I am still in the throes of finding my own way through this idea I am having a difficult time writing about it.  Successful authors say you should write about what you know and so I can only write about my struggles with this concept.

Bramhacharya is one of the yamas, and guides us to properly use our energy.  In past times this might have included a vow of celibacy to reserve sexual energy.  Some still choose this path but others might instead choose to raise families. The over-riding message however is to use your energy wisely.  Along those lines, the Western culture, for the most part, teaches us to study hard, get a good paying job, buy a house, find a lifetime partner, have kids. You know, the 2.5 kids and a couple of cars in the garage life.  Oh, don't forget to save up for the vacations.  There is nothing wrong with this picture, if this is what you WANT.  

However, if you are running yourself ragged and are getting NO JOY from this path, then yoga offers you an opportunity to look at life differently.  I want to be clear that there is nothing wrong with going for these ideals, but yoga can offer ways of going after them with a little less urgency and stress.  We can take a pause and contemplate how we approach our goals with a little more space and breath.

For such a long time, I chased these ideals and made some good headway.  But at the end of the day, I often felt "less than" and underwhelmed by my advances.  I was comparing my insides to others outsides and that is never a winning combination.  I used alcohol and food to cover up how I felt and that of course just made things worse.  I was eventually able to find help but yoga is what really made the difference for me and I'm talking Yoga with a capital "Y".  Along with learning how to do the asanas (yoga poses), I learned how to meditate, create and monitor my energy with pranayama (breathing exercises) and find a community of like-minded people to practice with as well as gain a greater understanding of the 8 limbs.  

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Right use of energy still catches me up.  I go through phases of getting organized, you know, buying one of those planners where you write down your goals and break them down into tasks and then schedule the tasks to accomplish your goals.  They're great but they take constant grooming and I find that I fall off the wagon...  I'd like to blame it on being a Pisces and getting sidetracked on some other shiny object but honestly, I think I just lose interest.  This is where discipline comes in and alas, where I struggle. 

Who determines what is the right use of one’s energy? If someone sets a goal of earning a six figure salary, they may have to use their energy working long hours, spending time convincing others of their ideas. This may feel right, good and satisfying. I believe if you fall on your pillow at night, satisfied by your effort, you have used your energy well. If you are replenished by the work you do, you are right where you need to be. 

If however, you find yourself working countless hours, have sleepless nights and are receiving no return for your energetic investment, you are only injuring yourself. Some will see this injury manifest as emotional hurt such as resentment, some will see it as physical injury and others may suffer from more serious mental anguish. This is not a good use of your energy and should be amended ASAP.  This is a place where going on a nourishing retreat can make all the difference in the world.  I'm also a big proponent of yoga nidra, a powerful tool to restore energy and help get you on track with your deepest purpose in life. 

I'm certainly no expert on this subject, merely another trekker on the journey.  I recognize how valuable your energy is.  Do not squander it on mere trifles and yet DO stop and smell the roses, gaze up at the beautiful crescent moon and listen to the sound of children laughing.