Finding my Way Through Fear ~ Kathy Coatney

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I recently listened to a podcast on IQ testing, and I’ve never believed in them because I think we are capable of so much more than the results of a simple test. I’ve also come to believe the biggest stumbling block to learning something new is fear. There are three main instances I can point to where fear has held me back.

The first fear I tackled came in my early thirties when I decided to become a writer. I hadn't considered a career as an author before that point, but after taking a class on freelance writing I was hooked. From there I started writing romance novels and freelance articles. I soon discovered that was the easy part—submitting my work, however, left me in a cold sweat.

But I found this fear to be more insidious than just preventing me from sending it out to editors. It also stopped me from starting a project. To this day, every time I start a new book I’m terrified I can’t do it, that the last one was a fluke, that it’s not good enough, and will never be good enough. This fear still strikes me even after publishing five romances, seven children’s books, and over a thousand articles in the last twenty-five years.

Speaking with other authors, I’ve discovered this is a universal fear, so when I find myself not writing and looking for any excuse not to write (cleaning toilets is my go to avoidance) I discuss it with a fellow author, and just acknowledging the fear, gets me on the road to production.

My second fear was exercising. I’ve always viewed myself as

awkward and klutzy, but I didn’t like that image, so I signed up for an aerobics class. From there, I began mountain biking, cross country skiing, hiking, and three years ago I started running.

I’ve always been a slow, flat-footed runner, but I decided to give it

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a try. Nine months later, I did a five run, plus a half mile sprint. That year I also did the Pat Tillman 4.2 mile run. I completed both runs without stopping, much to my satisfaction.

Was I fast? Absolutely not. I’d like to improve my speed, but it would take more time and effort than I want to invest. Not because I’m afraid, but because there are other things I want to do like Zumba. This was very intimidating for me as I have a hard time coordinating my arms and legs. I still struggle with it, but I’m not giving up.

The third, and the most terrifying fear I ever faced was singing. All my life I’ve wanted to learn to sing, but I was terrified of singing in front of anyone. Twenty years ago I heard an interview with a music teacher who said anyone could learn to sing and that stuck with me. On a whim, I did an online search and came across a local music school, and I inquired about lessons.

A few days later the secretary of the school called me, and after I explained what I wanted, she made it her mission in life to find the perfect teacher for me. Days later, I was set to start my first lesson.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. The room had a piano, chair, chalkboard and dozens of chairs stacked against the wall. What I remember most is the door that faced the main desk had a

photo: Pexels.com Wendy Wei

small window in it where I could see students, parents, and teachers walking past, and they could all hear me as I struggled to screech out the scale on the piano. By the end of that 30 minute class, I was drenched in sweat and certain I would never put myself through anything so awful again.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful, caring instructor who has patiently worked with and encouraged me for the last two years. I’ve seen progress that at times was so painfully slow I wanted to scream, and other times, came in huge leaps and bounds that encouraged and pushed me forward. I am still very self-conscious about singing in front of others, but with each improvement my confidence builds, and fear has less control over me.

Will I ever be a professional singer? Not likely, again because it would take a tremendous commitment that I’m not willing to make.

One of my greatest challenges is that I’m a perfectionist, and I don’t want to do anything unless I can do it perfectly. That has held me back more frequently than my fear, but I’m slowly overcoming that, too. 

What’s next? I’m not sure, but I’m a firm believer in this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. “Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”

Facing my fears has made them less terrifying, and each one I’ve tackled has enriched my life beyond measure. What’s holding you back from your dreams?

Before I sign off, just a little bit about my books. I write deeply

emotional, small town, romances. I have a three book series, Falling For You…Again, Falling in Love With You, Falling in Love for the First Time. She’s Out of His League is currently a stand alone, but there are two more books in the series that will be released shortly. Leave Me Breathless is a romantic mystery, and I will have more to follow in that series, too. The Crooked Halo Chronicles is a short story series I will be developing into full length novels. These books have love, romance, and guardian angels. You can get Angels R Us for free just by subscribing to my newsletter.

Thank you for inviting me to blog on Originality by Design. It was lovely spending time here. I look forward to meeting up with you on social media.  

Kathy Coatney has spent long hours behind the lens of a camera,

Kathy Coatney

wading through cow manure, rice paddies and orchards over her twenty-year career as a photojournalist specializing in agriculture. 

     She loves, and writes, deeply emotional, small-town contemporary romance. Ironically, her books carry an agriculture thread in them, some more than others. She also has a series of nonfiction children’s books, From the Farm to the Table and Dad’s Girls.

NOTE: Kathy wrote under the pen name of Kate Curran, but all books are now published with Kathy Coatney.

You can connect with Kathy by clicking on the links below...

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