Know Your Librarian ~ by Ruth Ross Saucier

We all make assumptions. Every minute of every day we assume things, and many of those assumptions have to do with people.  So. What do YOU assume when I say, “I’m a librarian?”  

 Mild-mannered? Sensible shoes? Definitely a hair bun. Pencil behind the ear, maybe. Glasses for sure.  Long skirt. Dowdy. Shushing. Smart. Dependable.  Good, law-abiding citizen. Right?

 Well, you can be forgiven for all those assumptions, they are rampant. As a retired librarian, I have certainly noticed the reactions I get when I tell people I’m a librarian…especially if I’ve just told them I ride a Harley Heritage Springer. Many have a difficult time believing I’m a librarian.  But the ones that are the most interesting are those who make all those assumptions above, and act on it. . . like border guards.

 Yes, border guards.  I’ve been across the Canadian and Mexican borders many times. I’ve also flown to Europe a few times, and each time the reaction is utterly dependable.   They ask several questions like: What was your purpose in traveling? Where were you born? Did you bring back any purchases with you? etc. But every time they ask me what I do for a living and I answer, “I’m a librarian,” that is the LAST question they ask.  Doesn’t matter if it is the third question or the tenth question, it’s the last question before they send me on my way.  They can’t be bothered to waste any more time, I’m just not likely to be smuggling anything, because, well, I’m a librarian.

 Of course, if we want to understand how librarians are viewed by the public, examining the movies gives us a full range of impressions. I have a brilliant friend who once wrote a thesis about the public’s perception of lawyers as reflected in the movies. [She was a humanities major who wanted to be an entertainment lawyer, so the topic fit.  And yes, she’s now a legal VP for a major network.] Movies have long reflected public attitude toward many things: if you want to know, for example, who was perceived to be the #1 enemy of the USA in a particular time period, watch the action films from that period. Early James Bond often fought the Russians, for example.

 

Donna Reed, It's a Wonderful Life

A commonplace view of librarians comes from It’s a Wonderful Life. George Bailey pressures Clarence, his guardian angel, to tell him what would have happened to George’s wife, Mary, if George never existed. The conversation ends with a pathetic squeal of an answer that never fails to make me swear:

 

George Bailey: Where's Mary? If this is all real and I was never born, what became of Mary?

Clarence: [hesitates] Well... I don't... I can't...

George Bailey: [grabs Clarence by his collar] Look, I don't know how you know these things, but if you know where my wife is, you'll tell me.

Clarence: I... I'm not supposed to tell.

George Bailey: Please, Clarence, where's my wife? Tell me where my wife is.

Clarence: You're not going to like it, George.

George Bailey: Where is she? What happened to her?

Clarence: She became an old maid. She never married...

George Bailey: [desperate] Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?

Clarence: She's... she's just about to close up the library!*

So librarians are also old maids who have nothing to care for but the library. Whenever I hear this line, I am compelled to answer Clarence with an “Oh, F*** You.”  I’m only 68, though, so maybe before I die this compulsion will finally wear off. If you want a positive view of librarians, I suggest Rachel Weisz in The Mummy: beautiful, smart, and proud to be a librarian.

 This assumption is partly based on the Madonna side of the whore/Madonna complex.  Complex says women gotta be one or the other, and all librarians obviously fit on the side of good girl. But there’s another set of assumptions behind the Madonna label. The good, the prim librarian is ripe for fantasy: take a librarian home, and they rip off the glasses and let down the bun and become a tigress in bed.

Rachel Weisz, The Mummy

Same principle, I think, behind those who fantasize about seducing priests (or Vulcans): they’ve managed to overcome / seduce the inviolable, thus proving themselves the ultimate succubus/incubus.

While I’m sure that most librarians fall safely in the middle of the whore-Madonna spectrum, one has to wonder about those who do not qualify for the Madonna end of that duality. Are there real librarians who are not modest and law-abiding?  Since I adore demolishing the common assumptions about librarians and equally exalt brilliant writing, I will end by sharing my favorite quote about librarians. While I haven’t met any librarians who fit Mr. Schmader’s description, I can allow that they might exist. You’ll likely never know.

 

“Libraries are far from the rarefied cathedrals of secular humanism they pretend to be, while librarians are the shadiest creatures this side of the Russian mob. Scratch the adamantly bland demeanor of any librarian and you’ll find trails of broken hearts, bathtubs full of meth fixings, and covert careers in porn.” David Schmader, Last Days, 17 October 2002

 

 

*imdb.com ,  Quotations section for It’s a Wonderful Life.